Monday, July 1, 2013

Updates! woo hoo Love new stuff!

Well my cuties - where do I start?

It's bee a crazy week or so. Business in June has been slow - but I noticed a tiny pick up. I introduced some great items including an IPAD COVER. Yes - just one design so far...but I think you will see soon some great designs.

Also a new skirt for the kiddies - this one is in browns and blues, one of my fav color combos. What I love about these skirts as they look so adorable on the little ones, and great for casual or just a nice outfit for a family outing.

Of course we have a few new jewelry pieces and some great supplies instock for my fellow artists. 


You can always get great deals on Bella items in my auctions which have super low prices, of course you do need an outbid account and a credit card.

Please sign up here for outbid. then check us out here for our auctions (including my colleagues auctions as they have awesome stuff too)

*Side note*On the home front it always gets more interesting. My mother continued to spew her hate to my husband about me. For those that don't know me, I have been seeing a therapist and I shared with her the contents of "the email" i refered to in my previous post. She said that:
"some people suffer with mental illness, and nowadays they create pills that help treat various conditions, however there is no pill for 'asshole' ".

She made some great suggestions as well as referred me to some publications/books that she felt would give me some additional insight.  Her plan is to work with me to find the right way to resolve this issue.  How to tackle it, as she feels that ignoring my mother will not help the situation ( clearly) and that there are ways to deal with rage, and hate and hostility.  But it's a long and hard road, with no easy answer.
I agree.
there is never an easy answer, and boy has it been one hell of a road.


Thursday, June 13, 2013

Something very horrible happened today

i received an email this morning from my mother.  she said a lot of very very mean things.

I have not had any contact with since my last blog post asking her for the print out of the allegedy bad mouthing I did about her.

Her email said that she "stands corrected" I did not say anything about her (no shit) but I was bad mouthing my husband.  (still a big question mark hangs over my head - I have no idea what she is talking about - nor has she sent me anything evidence to demonstrate this horrible thing that I did)

She then proceeded to say many many nasty things.  Including that i was a horrible mother because I treated my kids like crap.  (her exact words were they were 2nd class, and I didn't feed them balanced meals - I deny both of those accusations).  She said that my husband was ready to divorce me (I spoke to him and that is not the truth).  And that I was making my family miserable.  (no specific cause just that I have a bad attitude).

She then went on to say my inlaws have had it with me, they just don't say anything, and she is "surprised they have kept quiet for so long" that they can't stand me.

Then that my sitter (who is a friend of hers) - wont say anything to me because of the kids.

ANd that I am not treating everyone right, and if my husband does divorce me that my entire family will testify against me and I will lose joint custody of my kids and have to move out because I do nothing and my husband is the sole caretaker of the kids.

Yep - this is how I started my day today.

So how did I respond?  Well to her...nothing.  I will not engage in her horribleness.  However, I did do the following:

- I asked my husband to read the email.  He said that she is crazy, that yes he has been frustrated but not in the context or things that she said.  That he knows things have been bumpy but its nothing not fixable and he wants to treat me better.  (now my husband is very wonderful in many ways, and a jerk in others....just like any marriage we have ups and downs, the context my mother expressed was not how he felt but rather her reality)Irrespective I was surprised to hear that he felt that he needed to be better to it sounded like (from my mother) that I was the horrid one.

-I called my sitter.  shared the details of the email (that pertained to her) and asked WTF?  (in other less harsh - but stern words)  She responded that she did think that STEVE, NOT ME, feed the kids the same thing 3x a week and that they could use more variety.  I explained to her - that if the kids want the same thing everyday, I don't care - I just want them to have a meal that they will eat that has carbs, veggies and meat.  if it is easiest for my husband to make a huge casserole for the week, and the kids are happy - they what the hell business was it of hers to say anything.
(for those that do not know, my eldest is a celiac so to find anything that she likes and CAN eat is a bit more challenging) She apologized and expressed that it had nothing to do with me, only when my husband cooks.  Thus - how my mom specified that it was my fault, and I was a horrible mother for not feeding them the right foods - I have no idea how she made that leap.

Then my inlaws.  I have two pairs of inlaws.  So I called them as well, as my mother specifically said that they have had it with me and couldn't stand me.

I started the conversation with an apology.  That I am sorry they can't stand me, and I loved their son very much, that I am sorry that I have offended them or did anything to make them feel this way.  Again I shared the email with them, and you know what they said?

That they loved me and said no such thing to my mother.  Infact one inlaw said to me that "I am her daughter and she loves me as so, that her and dad think the world of me and how dare my mother every suggest that she has thought otherwise" She actually said a lot of kind words to me, I did paraphrase as best I could.

My other mother in law said "that she loves me and knows how much my husband loves me, and she wants nothing but happiness for the 3 joys of her life, her son and me."  She then went on to say that she said no such thing to my mother, and "if she had an issue with me, that she loved me enough to tell it to me."  Again, she went on to say many many nice things about me, about her son, about us in general, and was very concerned as "she doesn't know why my mother would say such things as they are only hurtful and most of all untrue."  That she was coming this weekend and couldn't wait to see me and of course mostly the kids!   That she missed us all very much, and not to worry about my mom, that she loves me, and has no issue with me.  (again - very very kind words)

After both conversations, I expressed again to them, that I was sorry, I didn't want to bother them with this drama, that I had received this email so I felt it would be the right thing to do to call them and apologize for my horridness, and that I would rather walk away from my husband and children rather than hurt them (as my mother said - I make everyone miserable).   I expressed as well that I loved them, and loved them dearly, and would never want to cause anyone hurt or such, that I rather hurt myself then every cause them trouble or their son trouble. Both mother in laws were rather sad and disappointted.  They reiterated their love for me and the family and reassurred me that my mother was not telling truths.  They both expressed that I should not listen to my mothers hateful email, that I am a wonderful mother and that steve is a wonderful father, and if there was problems between us that they were sure that we loved each other and would work it out.

These were very unexpected conversations.  I still feel horrid that I involved them at all.  I hide, I crawl into my shell, I avoid any drama at all, (which is the reason I don't talk to my mother).  But she apparently has been calling my family (which my MIL's and sitter said) and saying mean things.  I am very surprised and appreciative that all of them have stuck up for me, and where not shy when expressing their support for my family.  Which they specifically said did infact include me. 

So that my friends is how I spent my day today.  Quite frankly - it was pretty stinky. Infact I have been crying and apologizing to people all day.  I feel like garbage inside.  I feel like I shouldn't even exist.

So I come here,  where I get to blab and blog and vent here. Because these are the kinds of things that I just can express openly with the cover of "the blog".  -----and now - I go back to my rock and hide.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

And it gets even more screwed up...

I mean really - how did I get so lucky to have two bad weeks in a row?

And what is so eff'ed up is that I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO BE POSITIVE!

wow - so yesterday I get an email out of nowhere telling me that I am talking about them on facebook, and to take it down or they are sueing me for slander.

Ok people -I haven't said a word about anyone

I kindly responded, "i have no idea what you are talking about - please send me a screen shot of what you mean"

Of course I have received nothing except another nasty email that if I don't take it down they are going to the police.

That's nice. Maybe then I will get to see what apparently I wrote. (making circular motion with one hand while pointing at my head)

This same person has been talking to my husband about a family intervention because they have issues with me and they want to address them. (oh by the way - it was my mother that was emailing me above - I can't make this stuff up)

So my husband and mom are talking about me and having this big family meeting. I asked my husband what I did wrong, what exactly is the issue that they want to bring up. He says that my mom wants to talk to me because she thinks I need to work things out with her (i refuse to talk to her after called me names and degraded me and called me a liar about what my stepdad did) and she claims that my brothers don't feel close to me so they never want to come here.

Ok weird, I invite them many times to our house, or the kids recitals and events, or if I am going out with some girlfriends I have invited them to come hang out. They always turn me down....sooooo I guess that reason is they don't feel close to me. Alrightly then, I am not really sure - other than invite them to spend time with me and the family to get close, oh and they don't call me, don't write me, nothing, so I am not sure why they have a problem, as I haven't seen them do anything to fix it.

Oh and I know for a fact that me posting this, is going to REALLY SUPER piss everyone off. Because it's completely ok to talk about me to my husband, and amongst themselves, (and gang up on me) and it is absolutely not ok for me to blog about it to complete strangers.

Where does this leave me? Well I do feel a little better having venting, so that is bonus. (see - I am trying to be positive) - however, I still feel very violated that my best friend - my husband participated in this conversation.

I think I need to address that, and find out exactly how he is feeling or was his participation to stand up for me....

Either way - I feel so damn violated right now.

Friday, May 31, 2013

What a screwed up week.....

Or rather - it has just been a messed up year. By messed up - I don't mean all bad. Just a mixture of unexpected events.  Some bad, some good, Some Very Very bad.

So where do I start? well - my business took off and then went for a nose dive. It's been hell for the past couple of weeks, I can't seem to a match stick to an eskimo. I know I have slowed down my own efforts on promotion - but my god, it's just disproportionally down. I want to concentrate on my own designs and jewlery as well as expand into some other fun areas, which naturally takes away from the promotion, advertising and customer service.

here are a couple of pieces that I love....And that are actually worth a few bucks.

Ok now onto non-bella things

A close of my closest friends...passed away last week. So my heart and soul is just in pieces. If you spoke with me - all you got was a big blubbering mess of babble, of tears and sniffles. Today I just feel sad. I miss her. I am in shock. I can hear her voice and see her smile as if she was sitting right here, yet, my diana is gone. I don't know how to reconcile this mess in my heart and brain. But I know that I hurt and it is almost intolerable. What has comforted me, is the unexpected love, compassion, and kindness of all of my friends. People I would never have expected have extended themselves to me, with thoughtful gestures, cards, hugs, and kind words that I am so appreciative of. Words cannot express how grateful I am to have such a circle of family and friends.

Then we have my kids. Well - Bella has been in a wee bit of trouble a couple of weeks ago. I am unsure how to resolve but I am starting therapy with a 6 year old. I'm not sure if that is the right way to go, but I am concerned about Bells' impulsiveness, and focus issues. The evaluating MD suggested ADHD, and I was not pleased with that response. Currently, as adorable as my bells may be on occassion, acting out, not listening, and the occassionally hositility is not acceptable so we are working on ways to give her the tools and support her to becoming a happy and healthy peanut.

How about the husband...well he is my rock and supports me in so many ways, but lately, I want to hang him by his toes and slap him around with a wet noodle. My god, his voice irritates me. Then all of a sudden, particularly with the passing of Diana, he comes on like the man I married, smooth, consoling, sweet, and supportive....even sensitive. (yes I just refered to the male gender as sensitive). So what the hell, why be suck a dick the rest of the time!!!  ugh - men - go figure.

Work - it's been extremely interesting. Quite frankly I have no clue what to make of my career at the moment. I don't understand my place, my role, nor can I interpret any of my coworkers actions. It seems that I am a go to person on complex situations.  (which would normally make me feel very important) but the rest of the time, I am just a quite accountant that sits in an office and executes mundane tasks. So, I guess I should be satisfied that I am not overwhelmed on a daily basis and I am  'needed' overall.  - well - I am not exactly pleased with that situation, but I guess for the amount of money they pay me...I'll take it.

So where does this leave me? Not one clue. At the moment I am pretty lost. Would love to hear your ideas for inspiration and encouragement. As I have no clue as to what the next step for me is.  Right now, I am disappointed in myself, for no particualar reason. Perhaps I feel as if I have failed for all the events above that have transpired. I am trying very hard to see the good things that have occurred this year but unfortunately they are outweighing the negative. I hate that.
I like smiles and laughter and contentment. Don't we all?