Thursday, June 13, 2013

Something very horrible happened today

i received an email this morning from my mother.  she said a lot of very very mean things.

I have not had any contact with since my last blog post asking her for the print out of the allegedy bad mouthing I did about her.

Her email said that she "stands corrected" I did not say anything about her (no shit) but I was bad mouthing my husband.  (still a big question mark hangs over my head - I have no idea what she is talking about - nor has she sent me anything evidence to demonstrate this horrible thing that I did)

She then proceeded to say many many nasty things.  Including that i was a horrible mother because I treated my kids like crap.  (her exact words were they were 2nd class, and I didn't feed them balanced meals - I deny both of those accusations).  She said that my husband was ready to divorce me (I spoke to him and that is not the truth).  And that I was making my family miserable.  (no specific cause just that I have a bad attitude).

She then went on to say my inlaws have had it with me, they just don't say anything, and she is "surprised they have kept quiet for so long" that they can't stand me.

Then that my sitter (who is a friend of hers) - wont say anything to me because of the kids.

ANd that I am not treating everyone right, and if my husband does divorce me that my entire family will testify against me and I will lose joint custody of my kids and have to move out because I do nothing and my husband is the sole caretaker of the kids.

Yep - this is how I started my day today.

So how did I respond?  Well to her...nothing.  I will not engage in her horribleness.  However, I did do the following:

- I asked my husband to read the email.  He said that she is crazy, that yes he has been frustrated but not in the context or things that she said.  That he knows things have been bumpy but its nothing not fixable and he wants to treat me better.  (now my husband is very wonderful in many ways, and a jerk in others....just like any marriage we have ups and downs, the context my mother expressed was not how he felt but rather her reality)Irrespective I was surprised to hear that he felt that he needed to be better to it sounded like (from my mother) that I was the horrid one.

-I called my sitter.  shared the details of the email (that pertained to her) and asked WTF?  (in other less harsh - but stern words)  She responded that she did think that STEVE, NOT ME, feed the kids the same thing 3x a week and that they could use more variety.  I explained to her - that if the kids want the same thing everyday, I don't care - I just want them to have a meal that they will eat that has carbs, veggies and meat.  if it is easiest for my husband to make a huge casserole for the week, and the kids are happy - they what the hell business was it of hers to say anything.
(for those that do not know, my eldest is a celiac so to find anything that she likes and CAN eat is a bit more challenging) She apologized and expressed that it had nothing to do with me, only when my husband cooks.  Thus - how my mom specified that it was my fault, and I was a horrible mother for not feeding them the right foods - I have no idea how she made that leap.

Then my inlaws.  I have two pairs of inlaws.  So I called them as well, as my mother specifically said that they have had it with me and couldn't stand me.

I started the conversation with an apology.  That I am sorry they can't stand me, and I loved their son very much, that I am sorry that I have offended them or did anything to make them feel this way.  Again I shared the email with them, and you know what they said?

That they loved me and said no such thing to my mother.  Infact one inlaw said to me that "I am her daughter and she loves me as so, that her and dad think the world of me and how dare my mother every suggest that she has thought otherwise" She actually said a lot of kind words to me, I did paraphrase as best I could.

My other mother in law said "that she loves me and knows how much my husband loves me, and she wants nothing but happiness for the 3 joys of her life, her son and me."  She then went on to say that she said no such thing to my mother, and "if she had an issue with me, that she loved me enough to tell it to me."  Again, she went on to say many many nice things about me, about her son, about us in general, and was very concerned as "she doesn't know why my mother would say such things as they are only hurtful and most of all untrue."  That she was coming this weekend and couldn't wait to see me and of course mostly the kids!   That she missed us all very much, and not to worry about my mom, that she loves me, and has no issue with me.  (again - very very kind words)

After both conversations, I expressed again to them, that I was sorry, I didn't want to bother them with this drama, that I had received this email so I felt it would be the right thing to do to call them and apologize for my horridness, and that I would rather walk away from my husband and children rather than hurt them (as my mother said - I make everyone miserable).   I expressed as well that I loved them, and loved them dearly, and would never want to cause anyone hurt or such, that I rather hurt myself then every cause them trouble or their son trouble. Both mother in laws were rather sad and disappointted.  They reiterated their love for me and the family and reassurred me that my mother was not telling truths.  They both expressed that I should not listen to my mothers hateful email, that I am a wonderful mother and that steve is a wonderful father, and if there was problems between us that they were sure that we loved each other and would work it out.

These were very unexpected conversations.  I still feel horrid that I involved them at all.  I hide, I crawl into my shell, I avoid any drama at all, (which is the reason I don't talk to my mother).  But she apparently has been calling my family (which my MIL's and sitter said) and saying mean things.  I am very surprised and appreciative that all of them have stuck up for me, and where not shy when expressing their support for my family.  Which they specifically said did infact include me. 

So that my friends is how I spent my day today.  Quite frankly - it was pretty stinky. Infact I have been crying and apologizing to people all day.  I feel like garbage inside.  I feel like I shouldn't even exist.

So I come here,  where I get to blab and blog and vent here. Because these are the kinds of things that I just can express openly with the cover of "the blog".  -----and now - I go back to my rock and hide.

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