Friday, May 31, 2013

What a screwed up week.....

Or rather - it has just been a messed up year. By messed up - I don't mean all bad. Just a mixture of unexpected events.  Some bad, some good, Some Very Very bad.

So where do I start? well - my business took off and then went for a nose dive. It's been hell for the past couple of weeks, I can't seem to a match stick to an eskimo. I know I have slowed down my own efforts on promotion - but my god, it's just disproportionally down. I want to concentrate on my own designs and jewlery as well as expand into some other fun areas, which naturally takes away from the promotion, advertising and customer service.

here are a couple of pieces that I love....And that are actually worth a few bucks.

Ok now onto non-bella things

A close of my closest friends...passed away last week. So my heart and soul is just in pieces. If you spoke with me - all you got was a big blubbering mess of babble, of tears and sniffles. Today I just feel sad. I miss her. I am in shock. I can hear her voice and see her smile as if she was sitting right here, yet, my diana is gone. I don't know how to reconcile this mess in my heart and brain. But I know that I hurt and it is almost intolerable. What has comforted me, is the unexpected love, compassion, and kindness of all of my friends. People I would never have expected have extended themselves to me, with thoughtful gestures, cards, hugs, and kind words that I am so appreciative of. Words cannot express how grateful I am to have such a circle of family and friends.

Then we have my kids. Well - Bella has been in a wee bit of trouble a couple of weeks ago. I am unsure how to resolve but I am starting therapy with a 6 year old. I'm not sure if that is the right way to go, but I am concerned about Bells' impulsiveness, and focus issues. The evaluating MD suggested ADHD, and I was not pleased with that response. Currently, as adorable as my bells may be on occassion, acting out, not listening, and the occassionally hositility is not acceptable so we are working on ways to give her the tools and support her to becoming a happy and healthy peanut.

How about the husband...well he is my rock and supports me in so many ways, but lately, I want to hang him by his toes and slap him around with a wet noodle. My god, his voice irritates me. Then all of a sudden, particularly with the passing of Diana, he comes on like the man I married, smooth, consoling, sweet, and supportive....even sensitive. (yes I just refered to the male gender as sensitive). So what the hell, why be suck a dick the rest of the time!!!  ugh - men - go figure.

Work - it's been extremely interesting. Quite frankly I have no clue what to make of my career at the moment. I don't understand my place, my role, nor can I interpret any of my coworkers actions. It seems that I am a go to person on complex situations.  (which would normally make me feel very important) but the rest of the time, I am just a quite accountant that sits in an office and executes mundane tasks. So, I guess I should be satisfied that I am not overwhelmed on a daily basis and I am  'needed' overall.  - well - I am not exactly pleased with that situation, but I guess for the amount of money they pay me...I'll take it.

So where does this leave me? Not one clue. At the moment I am pretty lost. Would love to hear your ideas for inspiration and encouragement. As I have no clue as to what the next step for me is.  Right now, I am disappointed in myself, for no particualar reason. Perhaps I feel as if I have failed for all the events above that have transpired. I am trying very hard to see the good things that have occurred this year but unfortunately they are outweighing the negative. I hate that.
I like smiles and laughter and contentment. Don't we all?

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